25 Comments

My Wife: Love Series Part 1

Hey all and welcome to the first part of my first series!  I’ve been thinking of doing one for a bit and being it’s February, the month of love, what better time is there?

So two quick questions before getting into the meat of this post; can you name a famous person you know personally?  By fame I’m talking Tom Cruise stratosphere level.  The closest I’ve got is a customer at my Mom’s shop telling me she’s pretty chummy with one of the main dudes on Supernatural.  If you couldn’t name anyone, I doubt you’re alone.  Most of us non-famous folks know fellow non-famous folks.

Here’s my next question; what was the reaction when you told friends and family of you’re desire to be a professional writer?  Was it a resounding “huzzah!” or more of a “oh, that’s nice.”?  Mine was the latter and I think part of the reason has to do with the answer of the first question.

The life of a non-famous consists of putting in their forty hours, tending house and family and the occasional getaway.  It’s a very good life , but no where in it are random people asking for pictures and an autograph.  No interviews, fan mail or all the other glitz that goes with being famous.  So to hear a fellow non-famous folk talk about wanting to step into that world that seems a million miles away, the less than stellar enthusiasm is not a complete surprise.  It’s a tough blow to take.

When there’s all this passion burning inside to CREATE, if someone would just say they believed in you, you’d be unstoppable.  I know this from experience because I can’t think of anyone exceedingly thrilled that I aspired to make my band into something more than four guys playing some swinging sounds.

Until I met my wife.

When I told her about my band, this weird thing happened.  She was interested and I knew it was genuine.  Case in point: for Christmas a friend gets me bass strings.  I don’t play bass, I play guitar.  Now I didn’t expect her to know the difference, but at least take an interest enough to know what I play so you can ask the guy at the store for the correct gift.

But anyway, not only was my wife interested in what I was doing, she asked ME questions.  She wanted to hear my songs, was excited when I wrote something new and encouraged me to continue when I had my rough days.

For various reasons the band never reached it’s potential and by then, I was okay with that because an old passion had flared up stronger than ever.  And guess what?  My wife supported me just as much.  When I had written something, she wanted to read it and gave me honest feedback.  When I learned something new to help further my writing career, she wanted to hear all about it.  My interest in writing became hers because it was important to me.

We creative types need this.  We’ve decided to seriously pursue something that most consider a hobby and no matter how good we think we are, we need someone to believe it right back.  This what my wife does for me, among other things, that make me love her more and more.

So who’s your cheering section?  A spouse?  A friend?  Your really cool and hip uncle?  Tell me all about it.  I’m INTERESTED.

Info Stuff- Follow my ROW80 progress every Wednesday and Sunday and for the month of February, Tuesdays and Thursdays will be devoted to my Love series.  Eight loves that have shaped me into the writer I am.

25 comments on “My Wife: Love Series Part 1

  1. Awww, how much do I love this post and how of COURSE the first spot in the Love Series is reserved for your wife! I had a lot of reactions while reading this and may have to write a book in reply. Now I’m scrolling back up…

    I love your explanation for why people are less than thrilled by our creative pursuits. That makes so much sense and puts it where it should be–on THEM, not on whatever art we’re pursuing or whatever our ability to achieve that might actually be.

    I love to think of you having this, and her, in your life. I have to say that while I was reading it I was thinking…well of course, who’s not going to go for arty musician guy? Your perspective may vary.

    I’ve had some mildly encouraging friends all my life who just liked the stories. But for the last few years I’ve had Kait. I can’t imagine anyone being more encouraging, ass-kicking, or building me up more than my CP. She believes in me more than I do and never lets me give up on myself.

    Someday I hope that my daughter will get what I do, be proud of me and encouraging. And since I constantly bore you with Tales of Briar Rose, I’ll give you last night’s. In response to her constant I want this and I want that, it seems I’ve told her “because we’re poor” too many times, because now she’s telling every one, particularly cashiers, that we’re poor. As though this is going to result in a discount maybe. It’s kind of embarrassing. Anyway, last night I said we couldn’t go to the grocery on the way home because I had lost my wallet (found later, thanks), and she said, “We can’t go get groceries because we’re poor?” And I’m like, “No, sweetie, not ’cause we’re poor. In fact, I got PAID today! For my book! So if I could just find my freakin’ wallet, we wouldn’t have to be poor right now.” And she said, “You got paid? For Hush Money?”

    Little dude knows my book! I mean, of course she does, it’s hardly a secret. But you know that dream you have of meeting someone and she goes, “Wait, are you by any chance related to the author of Monster Inside Me?” It was totally like that.

    • That is flipping hysterical and awesome.

      On my side I have the fantastic writerly cheering section of Susan (of COURSE), and darling Claire Legrand, plus many many others I won’t get into here because it’s your blog and you don’t want me to hijack it.

      On the non-writerly front my biggest cheerleaders are my husband and his mom. His mom in particular is just made of the finest quality of awesomesauce because she LOVES my work, would happily hand sell it to anyone she meets, and routinely says how proud she is of me–because she knows I don’t get that from my own mom whom I haven’t even been able to tell I’m DOING this. That kind of support is worth its weight in gold.

      • @Susan- I’d totally wait a little longer for Heroes ‘Til Curfew if I could get my hands on the first installment of The Freakin’ Adventures of Briar and Susan. I’d buy copies for everyone I know.

        And yeah, I don’t want creative types to get overly discouraged if people they know don’t really get what they’re doing. We see the world differently, which is not me saying we’re better, just different.

        A comedian stuck in a traffic jam sees something funny in it while everyone else is just angry with the traffic. Joss Whedon felt bad for the girl in the dark alley and created Buffy. Even if we’re misunderstood, we should still go after what we want. They may not know it, but they need us.

        @Kait- Feel free to hijack anytime, Susan does.

        It’s awesome that you have your husband and his mother in your corner. My wife’s immediate family knows what I’m up to and they’re all very supportive. And her grandmother, that reads Nicholas Sparks, wants to read my vampire book FIRST!

        • Mwahahaha! I hijack everyone’s blog. I don’t get it. I mean, I like it when something I said gives someone a bunch of thoughts and they want to write me back. Plus I figure everyone skips over reading my long-ass comment because I’m so not what they came for. This, perhaps, makes me like a the person who farts in the car and says, So? It had to come out. But of course I would never do THAT. Ew. Was there, like, extra caffeine in the Diet Coke this morning? Because that’s would be awesome. Except for the unexpected consequence of me being even more me than usual.

  2. I just don’t know where to begin! For me, getting enough support and encouragement is hard. Perhaps it’s because I really don’t tell anyone that I write. The people I have told are more of the “oh, that’s nice,” variety, so I tend to keep it to myself. And my husband is supportive only in the sense that he is supportive by nature, but I don’t fully believe he gets what I am trying to accomplish.

    As for my family, well, I haven’t been able to tell them anything about my writing. Sure, they know some of my short stories have been published, but they tend to look at my writing as a hobby. God forbid I ‘waste’ my two graduate degrees. I can see my mom now, “Is writing going to pay your student loans? You need stability and a retirement plan!”

    Thanks for sharing your wonderful post and what I’m not getting from the people I know, I can get from all you other writers out there! I’m not alone!

    • I know the feeling. Back when it was just me and my guitar, I built up this me against the world thing because no one “got” what I was doing. Really it was just a way to shield myself from how much it sucked to be on my own.

      But I can tell you that the writing community is mighty and there are those out there that not only understand what you’re doing, but understand YOU. When you find those people, if you haven’t already, it really takes your art to a new level.

    • I get that from my Dad and stepmother! That’s exactly it! I haven’t actually got round to asking my mother what she thinks of my desire to be a career writer.

      And I think Kait’s right – who wouldn’t go for the guitar-playing guy with his own band? :D

      • It’s great to see how many people have support from their family. It’s tough doing this stuff on your own. That’s how the music felt.

        And minor correction: You were agreeing with Susan about guitar playing guy. Still, the compliment is much appreciated and blush inducing.

  3. My husband is the greatest spouse a creative type could ever have. He is unwaveringly supportive in every possible way. He carries my business cards with him to hand out to anyone who seems interested. He gives up his vacation days to travel to conventions with me, where he spends eight hours a day manning the table in the dealer’s room. He listens to my ideas and beta-reads everything I write. He even encouraged me to quit my job and write full-time when I said that was what I wanted. And he puts up with all the weird things we writers do (like suddenly shout: “Oh, f!ck, Padgett also has a claim to the throne of Faerie!” in the middle of dinner, apropos of absolutely nothing). I don’t know what I’d do without him.

  4. Do I know someone famous? Well, I know Alice Cooper’s first cousin personally. And she doesn’t really like to tell people she’s his cousin. And I’m like “What? I would tell everybody!” LOL

    My husband used to think of my writing as a hobby. Until I started making some money. Now he’s been out of work for a few months, and we didn’t know how we were going to make our next couple of mortgage payments. Then January came around, and I’ve made about $2500 just in that one month! That’s almost two house payments. Now he takes it seriously. LOL

    I’ve had one particular friend who has stuck by me and supported me so much that I know she has to have gotten tired of hearing about my books. And that’s my lovely cover artist, Anya Kelleye. She’s read all of my books, and has given me support and criticism. I don’t know anyone who reads as much as she does, so she’s a good critic. And a great friend! And my mom has always been supportive of anything I’ve ever done, including writing. I have other friends who support me, including many authors, so I feel pretty blessed.

    Andrew, I’m so glad that your wife is so supportive. That means a lot when you’re sometimes really scared to put yourself out there and just do what you want to do. I bet she’s great!

    • Aww geez, Lauralynn, you’re making me cry. But I do really believe in what you’re doing and know you can do well.

      Andrew, what an awesome post. I loved it! Your wife sounds like a wonderful lady.

      I know I don’t write books but having people support you in whatever you do is very much needed so you can continue to do your best. I’ve just started this cover artist stuff but I really enjoy it. I think my “biggest” supporter and cheerleader is my 9 year old son. He just told me the other day that he was going to start writing a book series about a fire dragon and that of course I had to do his book covers for him. :) What a sweetie!

      As far as famous people? Well I do know Sonny James for any of you that are 50’s music fans. Oh and I’m related to Buck Owens (Hee Haw fame) although I don’t really know him…but don’t tell too many people about that….haha.

      Oh and BTW, Andrew, can I have your autograph? You know for when you finish your first book and become rich and famous and we can all say, “Yeah, we know him. He’s just the greatest guy!”

      Looking forward to the rest of your series.

      • @Lauralynn- I think sometimes our loved ones really want to be supportive, but they can’t visualize it. Again not a dig, just a different perspective they have. But when you have something like sales figures or even simply a dedication that goes beyond a hobby, they notice.

        @Anya- Doesn’t that make you feel superhuman when you get that support. How cool that you’ve rubbed off on your son like that and he wants his covers by you.

        I hadn’t heard of Sonny James, bet my wife has, but I looked him up and I liked him. New discovery, nice.

        Sure, I’ll sign whatever you want. I don’t know how famous people get used to that. I still can’t believe people would stop me after a gig to shake my hand.

  5. Andrew, you are so sweet… What a great post about your wife. She sounds awesome.

    Question 1: I am one degree of separation from Wil Wheaton. I know he was annoying as Wesley Crusher, but I still liked him. And now he’s really dang hilarious. But I don’t know him, like, personally. A friend of mine does.

    Question 2: I am really, really blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who cheer me on in my writing endeavors. But, I’ve ALWAYS been this way. I’ve always written. So maybe just the fact that they’ve known me for most of my 41 years and I’ve never been any other way has made it easier for them to accept this stuff….

    My husband is both my number one fan (and yes, I get a vision of Annie Wilkes when I say that, and I shudder a little) and my harshest critic (well, besides me). He keeps me honest and questions my choices, but he also sends me e-mails from airplanes where he’ll say, “You really are talented. Your stories are exciting and make me want to read more. And check the timeline in chapter X, because you screwed it up.” :)

    And because he’s the Light Police in our house, I told him that when my two main characters in Ravenmarked set up housekeeping in the castle, I’m going to have Connor Mac Niall walk around blowing out candles and torches and muttering about how wax isn’t cheap and oil doesn’t grow on trees.

    Sigh… Love…

    Great post. :)

    Amy

    • Wil Wheaton, he was just on Leverage as a villain and he was funny.

      Your husband sounds like what Stephen King called the “Ideal Reader”. When he wrote Dreamcatcher and wanted to call it Cancer, his wife (Ideal Reader) flatly told him it was a terrible title. And when he threw Carrie in the garbage, she urged him to keep working at it because she felt he had something. It’s a very special thing to have.

      I’ll bet he’s thrilled by how he’ll be immortalized in Ravenmarked.

      • There are pieces of him in all my male characters… Even (especially?) the evil ones… ;-) I told him the other day, though–even though there’s a lot of him in Connor, as a couple, we’re a lot more like the king/princess in the book. He teases her just to get a rise out of her, and she snarks back at him. That’s us.

        I’ve read about Stephen King and his wife, and I love how he credits her with so much of his success. A spouse who constructively encourages is a rare and glorious thing. Creative folks with that kind of marriage relationship are very blessed indeed.

        Amy

  6. My family is supportive of what I do… so long as I keep my day job so I can support myself! Other than that, my friend Sweets has been surprisingly supportive. He listened to a short story of mine and took notes without me realizing it… and without me asking. And they were good notes! If we hadn’t been on skype at the time, I would have kissed him for being so amazing. Talk about validation.

  7. [...] of support, how rare it is, along with some good ideas about why it’s so hard to find in My Wife: Love Series Part 1. (found because you know Fandrew #1 [...]

  8. [...] Andrew Mocete – for restoring my faith in the ‘one and only’ theory of love with his Love Series post re his wife 2/ Kristin Lamb – for just being so damn good at this social media thing. I’m sure I owe the [...]

  9. WTF!! I was freakin interested you hump!! And I’m still interested for your information! I went to hear your band play and I was waiting to read your wolf man novel. So with that, cry me a freakin river. I’m so happy that you have Tracey and that she has you cause now I’m done with you ( ROFL).

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